Cinderella,The Best Allegory Ever Written

When I was first married in 2013, a friend of my wife’s gave us a book called “The Richest Man in Babylon”. I knew it was a book teaching about finance, and I was prideful and snobby, and just blew it off. I said to myself, “I don’t need that, and it sounds boring.” I was wrong about both. I only read it last year, and it completely changed my perspective on things. I highly recommend you read it. On Youtube, I recently came across a channel teaching finance, and the owner of the channel has an affirmation she repeats that has also helped my mentality, and I want to explain why. The affirmation is, “Lots of money comes to me easily and frequently.” So I am not rich. I don’t make tons of money. But I do make a paycheck every month. Consistent money comes to me easily and frequently, and using the tools in “The Richest man in Babylon”, I can start to build a savings to be used as seed money. A concept covered in the book is the encouragement to form partnerships with individuals of experience, so that you can lean on their knowledge and wisdom. So the challenge becomes standing out in a crowd, so that these individuals with experience will take you on as an apprentice. Well how do you do that? Just in the last couple of months, I believe a good method has occurred to me.

I have a two-year-old daughter who enjoys watching Disney’s Cinderella. After watching it several times, it has struck me in many ways it hasn’t before. First of all, I think that the Evil Stepmother is the most evil of all Disney villains ever depicted. She is truly awful, because she wages emotional warfare on the protagonist, Cinderella. No other Disney villains do that to such a level. The other thing that occurred to me, is that I think that the Cinderella story is closest to reality. I don’t think it’s a fairy tale at all. I think its more like a parable, or allegory. The story’s origin comes from France, which historically comes from a medieval caste system. In that system, the nobles are always on the lookout for exceptional youth they can invest in, and take on to mentor. So imagine that the character of the Fairy God Mother, is simply a neighbor who knew the family before Cinderalla’s father passed away. That neighbor would have been able to see the transformation of the property and Cinderella, under the management of The Evil Stepmother, and be able to ascertain what is going on behind closed doors. In observing Cinderella, the rightful heir of the estate, work like a slave to make everything work, by the time Cinderalla reaches her darkest point, where The Evil Stepmother and her daughters literally tear Cinderella’s dress (and dream) to shreds while she is wearing it, and Cinderalla goes out to cry by the well, and having observed it all, the Fairy Godmother intervenes. Why? Because the Fairy Godmother already KNEW that Cinderalla deserved it. She had worked so hard, with an incredible work ethic and attitude, that she deserved to be helped, and that she wouldn’t squander whatever help she was given. So the Fairy Godmother gave her an OPPORTUNITY. That’s what mentors do. They give opportunities, and sit back and watch to see what happens. Like a test. How did Cinderalla do with this opportunity? And what was her attitude upon having been given the opportunity? First off, she nailed it. She went to the very top, and didn’t even realize it. She just wanted to enjoy a youth Prom experience, and because of WHO she was inside, the Prince of all the land saw the character in her, and spent the evening with her. Second, what was Cinderalla’s attitude from being given the opportunity? She was filled with gratitude for having been given the opportunity, and it was restorative to her. It helped her heal and be able to withstand the barrage of burdens placed on her from the Evil Stepmother and her daughters. In the end, that one opportunity made all the difference. Cinderella and her high moral character did the rest.

On that note, I couldn’t help but think of the story by Charles Dickens, “Great Expectations”. An incredible story. If you don’t have time to read it, the latest film depiction of it is extraordinary. To take a snapshot of the story, a Noble with money, sponsors a young man, paying for his education in high society in London. Coming from peasantry, the main character hides his origins for fear of being judged and socially exiled by his classmates, who for the most part are arrogant and selfish, and have no idea what it is like to be poor. So the main character makes friends with the most humble classmate he has, who is merely a bookkeeper for a merchant company. But in their friendship, he learns his friend tells him there is no money or future in what he is currently doing, that all fortunes are in merchant ships. So this friend doesn’t have the income to do what he knows will make a fortune, but the main character does have access to extra income from his Sponsor. So he trusts his friend and starts to give him money every month to start the process of getting involved in the merchant ship business. Meanwhile, things happen, and his Sponsor can no longer sponsor him, and he gets deathly ill, and is imprisoned for not being able to pay his rent. At that lowest point, it is an old friend that he grew up with in his village as a peasant, a man who is a Blacksmith, pays all of his debts, and nurses him back to life. Once he is better, he returns to England to discover his friend he has partnered with, has successfully secured their first shipping vessel, and it is the beginning of a successful and thriving merchant company that turns them both into rich men, and enables the main character to pay back his old Blacksmith friend the debt he owes him. I look at “Great Expectations” as Charles Dickens giving a gift to the poor class in his society, by giving them a recipe whereby they can rise out of their poverty. I see that story as Charles Dicken’s gift for how to do it. What a remarkable gift to give. In that story, it took three individuals, each at different levels of aid, to make the difference, but all three in the end stemmed from either gratitude, or friendship. The Cinderella story is different in one way. In “Great Expectations”, the main character gets a big break by being sponsored by someone with money. The Cinderella Story teaches how that is accessible to ANYONE. It isn’t luck. It’s a proven good work ethic teamed with good character and a desire to rise that will make a Sponsor, a Mentor, step in like the Fairy Godmother, and offer the first opportunity.

How long does it take to prove one’s self to a Fairy Godmother? I think it takes years. I think it should take years. I think it is good that it does take years. And that’s okay. Why is that okay? Because if you take The Fairy Godmother out of the Cinderella story, then what you get is Cinderella crying at the well, and that’s all. What’s more is imagining how her next morning would look. She would have to wake up, emotionally broken, her spirit broken, and continue all the chores of the household, and continue working as a slave, even though she was the rightful heir of the estate. At that point, she probably wouldn’t dream anymore. She probably wouldn’t have the attitude she had before. She would truly be a slave. They would have broken her, and she would have lived out the rest of her days as a peasant, likely never allowed to marry, and serve her evil Stepmother and evil Stepsisters till she died.

For so many people, that is how it really ends for them. They don’t have a Fairy Godmother, or friends to step in and pay the debt, like in “Great Expectations”. So it’s okay that it takes years to prove one’s self to a Fairy Godmother, because the alternative is dire. The alternative is dark.

Like Cinderella, and Pip, the main character in “Great Expectations”, I am learning how to use the consistent funds that come to me, so that the affirmation “Lots of money comes to me easily and frequently” is true, and use those saved funds to form partnerships and mentorship opportunities to tap into a more satisfying life. So far, that means more responsibility, but remarkably and seemingly paradoxically it also means an easier way of life.

Thank God for Fairy God Mothers.

The Problem…

The challenge to be teachable: Early on as kids, we pick up that if we know it all, we are respected, and can be placed in a position of authority, like an adult, and that makes us feel important–it makes us feel special. The danger is most kids will say they know something when they really don’t, because they don’t want to be looked down on, or feel foolish, which makes them feel the opposite of special.

So what do you do? The best way to not be seen as a fool is to admit you don’t know. Even if you have heard something similar from someone else, admit you don’t know, and ask the person to teach you. 

The truth is, the person asking the questions is in control of the conversation–not whoever is doing the majority of the talking. Do you want to be in control of the conversation for real? You should. So how do you do that? You become the interviewer, and small talk becomes a thing of your past. So ask questions, listen, and ask more questions, and admit, “I didn’t know that before, thank you for sharing with me.” If you say you know, and it is made obvious that you actually don’t, you will feel embarrassed.

So be wise, and start by saying to yourself, “I came to learn, not to show off what I know. I am ready to listen, even if I hear something I have heard before, because I know that to become an expert, a true authority, I must become brilliant at the basics, and you become brilliant at the basics, by reviewing what you already know. So there is no harm in hearing something I already know, only benefits.”

So when someone starts saying something you have heard before, rather than tuning out, listen up to check for discrepancies in what you remember hearing before. Repetition is the key to mastering the basics. And take it from one who knows, sometimes it takes years for some things to sink in, and by reviewing the basics, suddenly, for whatever reason, it all clicks.